齐泽克丨如果我统治世界
发起人:之乎者也  回复数:0   浏览数:125   最后更新:2019/11/05 14:53:42 by 之乎者也
[楼主] 之乎者也 2019-11-05 14:53:42

来源:想当国师的哲学家们



If I ruled the world / Sl**oj Žižek

如果我统治世界 / 齐泽克


翻译:Debaser


In Martin Cruz Smith’s thriller H**ana Bay, ***isiting American gets caught in a plot against Fidel Castro, but then discovers the plot was organised by Castro himself. Castro is well aware of the growing discontent with his rule even in the top circle of functionaries around him, so every couple of years he orders a secret agent to organise a plot to overthrow him, in order to root out the disloyal functionaries. Just when the plot is supposed to be enacted, the malcontents are arrested and liquidated. And that’s the first thing I would do to secure my reign if I ruled the world—God himself does it in GK Chesterton’s The Man Who Was Thursday, so I’d be in a good company.

在马丁 科鲁兹 史密斯的恐怖小说《哈瓦那湾》中,一位美国游客被卷入一场反对菲德尔卡斯特罗的阴谋中,但在随后他发现这个阴谋正是由卡斯特罗本人一手操纵的。卡斯特罗深知包括特权阶级在内的国人对他本人的不满日趋高涨,因此便每几年密令特工组织一场推翻自己的阴谋,好以此根除那些私底下对他不忠的特权阶级(此处齐泽克并未使用上文中提到的“the top circle of functionaries”而只用了“functionaries”,但承袭上文所指,我推断此处应指代的是特权阶级而非仅是普通的公职人员——译注)。而正当造反者的阴谋即将施行时,那些反抗者便会被逮捕并遭到彻底清算。而这就是当我统治世界后为了巩固政权而会做的第一件事——正如上帝在GK切斯特顿的著作《星期四人》所做的事,所以我想我和上帝应该很聊得来。


My next measure would be to lower the standard of living of my subjects. Why? Here I will follow the lesson of Ismail Kadare’s short novel The Pyramid, in which the Egyptian Pharaoh Cheops announces that he does not want to build a pyramid like his predecessors. Alarmed by this suggestion, his advisors point out that pyramid-building is crucial to preserving his authority, for it is a way to keep his people poor and distracted and therefore obedient. Cheops recognises the truth of this, and so his advisors examine different options to diminish the citizens’ prosperity: engaging Egypt in war with its nei***ours, for instance, or bringing about a natural catastrophe (like disturbing the regular flow of the Nile and thus crippling agriculture). But these options are rejected as too dangerous (Egypt could lose the war, natural catastrophes might lead to uncontrollable chaos). So they return to the idea of building a pyramid so large that its construction will mobilise the resources of the country and sap the energies of its populace, keeping everyone in line. The project puts the country into an emergency state for two decades, with the secret police busy discovering sabotages and organising Stalinist-style arrests, public confessions and executions. I would try to find a similar mission more appropriate for our times, like investing breathtaking sums of money into human expeditions to Mars and other planets.

随后我将落实我的第二步计划:我将人为地降低国民的生活条件。为什么呢?这我是取经了伊斯梅尔卡达莱的短篇小说《金字塔》中的故事。故事中埃及法老基奥普斯宣布自己将不再向他的前任们学习——为自己建造一座金字塔。但法老的“顾问”随即向他指出,建造金字塔这项计划对他维持自身统治权威至关重要——因为这会消耗大量人力财力,百姓因此便处于贫穷与劳神的状态,再无力造反,只得顺从。基奥普斯觉得此话有理,但又实在不想建造金字塔,于是便令“顾问”尝试通过其他方法来破坏国家之繁荣,例如与邻国交战或人为制造自然灾害(通过破坏尼罗河水流造成洪灾以此破坏农业发展)。但最后这些方法都被否决了(埃及可能战败,自然灾害可能超出预期无法控制)。于是他们只好回到最初修建金字塔的方法,通过消耗资源与国民的精力,来使人们服从管教。这项计划使国家陷入紧急状况二十年,而在此期间,“秘密警察”还四处搜捕妨碍建造者,并组织了“斯大林模式”的逮捕:公开认罪与处决。我会找一个功能类似但更适合我们时代的任务(来消耗我的臣民),比如说耗费巨额资金组织“人类探险”去火星或者其他什么的星球。


To finance these extr**agant public projects, I would enact laws propagating smoking. He**y smokers die earlier— just imagine how much less the state would h**e to spend on retirement and healthcare. Under my rule, in Soviet style, every smoker who consumes at least two packs per day would pay lower taxes and receive a special medal for being a Public Hero of Financial Consolidation.

为了帮助这些奢侈的公共计划筹资,我将立法鼓励吸烟。试想如果所有烟鬼都死得很早,我们可以省下多少退休金和医疗专款啊!在我苏联式的统治风格下,每天消费至少两包烟的烟民可以获得减税资格并将得到一枚“公共筹资大英雄”的荣誉勋章。


Furthermore, to maintain public morality and reduce sexual depr**ity, I would add mandatory sexual education to the primary school curriculum. These lessons would adopt the approach outlined in the famous scene from Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, in which a teacher examines his pupils on how to arouse a woman. Caught in their ignorance, the embarrassed pupils **oid his gaze and stammer answers, while the teacher reprimands them for not practising the subject at home. With his wife’s assistance, he demonstrates the penetration of penis into vagina. One of the schoolboys casts a furtive glance through the window, and the teacher asks him sarcastically: “Would you be kind enough to tell us what is so attractive out there in the courtyard?” Such education would undoubtedly ruin the pleasure of sex for generations.

此外,为了维护公共道德以减少滥交,我将在小学里强制增设一门性教育课程,这些课程将参考巨*剧团的名作《人生七部曲》的著名情节:一个老师向学生设考如何使一个女人高潮(arouse a woman)。当老师谴责学生们在家里没有预习这门课时,同学们都尴尬地躲避老师的目光,稀稀拉拉结结巴巴地回答。随后老师在他妻子的协助下,他展示了男人是如何插入阴道的。这时一个学生暗中将目光转向了窗外,却遭到老师讽刺道“请告诉我们户外有什么东西那么吸引你啊?”我相信这样的教育毫无疑问会摧毁我们这一代人对于**的愉悦感。


And, last but not least, to ensure that people treat each other politely and kindly, I would make it a rule that, prior to each conversation, there should be a ritualised period of vulgar insults. Why? Is this not contrary to common sense, which tells us that we only explode into wild swearing when, in the middle of a polite conversation, we get really mad and cannot hold back our frustration? But common sense is wrong here (as is usually the case). I h**e a ritual with some of my good friends: when we meet, we engage for the first five minutes in formulaic session of rough and tasteless swearing and offending each other. Then, after we get tired, we acknowledge with a brief nod that this rather boring but un**oidable introductory ritual is over and, with great relief at fulfilling one’s duty, we relax and start to talk in a normal polite way, as the kind and considerate people that we really are. Imposing such a ritual on all people will guarantee peace and mutual respect.

最后,为了确保人们对他人亲切有礼,我会强制要求人们在每一次交流前践行一套互相辱骂的仪式。为什么呢?这不是和常识相反吗?常识告诉我们只有当我们在一段平静的对话中突然发火而忍不住气焰才会破口大骂吗?但是常识在此(正如一如既往般)是错的。我和我一些亲近的小伙伴们有一个刚见面前五分钟时互相咒骂指责的小仪式。当我们骂累了后我们便互相致意以结束这场无聊但是必要的开头仪式。随后我们便像完成了一份义务般轻松愉快并有礼貌地开始交谈了——正如我们本来便是的那般和蔼体贴。有了这种仪式,我相信每个人都保证会和睦相处,彼此尊重。


You think these are mere extr**agant jokes? Think again: do we not already live in a similar world?

你认为这仅仅是一个难以实现的小玩笑?请你再好好想想:难道我们不是已经生活在如上所述的世界中了吗?


Sl**oj Žižek is a Slovenian Marxist philosopher and writer of the film “The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology.” His new book, “Event,” is the second in Penguin’s Philosophy in Transit series

斯拉沃热 齐泽克是一位斯洛文尼亚马克思主义哲学家,以及《变态者意识形态指南》这部电影内容的撰写者。他的新书《事件》(Event)是他在“企鹅哲学系列书籍”中的第二本。


原网址(墙内):

http://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/magazine/if-i-ruled-the-world-sl**oj-zizek


豆瓣网友转载网页:

http://www.douban.com/group/topi***9483714/

返回页首

[快速回复] (HTML代码不可用)[高级回复]
请输入验证码: +jdlfjdlfljl12l12jl+*ljld- + +zdfn,n,/,/,;k1234-353;kdf;kdf;+*ljld- 3 (请输入计算结果)
表情
发言前,请仔细阅读并同意以下注意事项,未注册用户请返回社区首页注册。
1.请自觉遵守:Art-Ba-Ba论坛免责声明
2.请尊重网上道德;
3.自觉遵守:爱国、守法、自律、真实、文明的原则;
4.遵守互联网电子公告服务管理规定 及中华人民共和国其他各项有关法律法规;
5.严禁发表危害国家安全、破坏民族团结、破坏国家宗教政策、破坏社会稳定、侮辱、诽谤、教唆、淫秽等内容的作品;
6.承担一切因您的行为而直接或间接导致的民事或刑事法律责任。
7.Art-Ba-Ba所有帖子仅代表作者本人意见,不代表本社区立场。
8.转载文章请注明出自“Art-ba-ba中国当代艺术社区(www.art-ba-ba.com)”。如是商业用途还请联系原作者。