All was quiet on the Gosselin front—for a few days, anyway—but not anymore. And you have Kate Major to thank.Ed Hardytabloid reporter turned comically contracted personal assistant/romantic interest of Jon Gosselin is ready to launch a battle royale against the reality douche dad."One day this nightmare will hopefully end," she tweeted today. "If he would have told the TRUTH we wouldnt be in this position…." You don't have to strain too hard to figure out the "he" to whom she's referring.Major has already lawyered up in advance of a potential lawsuit, which, per RadarOnline, will include claims of breach-of-contract, Christian Louboutinfraud and loss of wages.She claims that Gosselin apparently failed to make good on the hand-scrawled, half-baked terms of their contract, which promised Major a salary commensurate to her Star paycheck and "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement." Hey, Jon, UGG Bootsever feel like your best just isn't good enough?What does it take for Jon Gosselin to clean up his tarnished image?Spoofing himself in a viral video doesn't quite cut it – but it does at least provide a few laughs.In a new satirical video for Funny or Die, the reality TV dad pokes fun of his image and says so long to flashy clothing, nightclubs and bikini blonds. "For the past few months, I've been looking back and thinking, ‘Man this is not me. This is not what I want to do,'" the octodad said. "I just want to go back to the normal, simple life like I used to have." Nfl jerseysVowing to be the "righteous person" that he can be, Gosselin begins his transformation by removing his CZ earrings, swapping his Ed Hardy shirt for a preppy polo and replacing the alcohol in his refrigerator for a six-pack of Snapple. "People always say to me, ‘Jon, you can't go back,' he says. "But I am going to go back. I'm going to learn from my mistakes. I'm going to move forward." As Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" plays, World of Warcraft Goldthe reality star says farewell to his former life by deleting Michael Lohan's number from his cell phone and requesting his name be removed from a club's guest list. The "Jon and Kate Plus 8" star saved his favorite vice for last: saying goodbye to a bikini-clad blond.ed hardy clothing Anyone who knows MJ knows he has the most relentless sense of humor, and if you aren't ready for it or can't stomach it, shame on you.He had jokes. At one point, he put the whole "passing D-Wade the torch" thing in perspective by reminding us that Wade "is wearing my shoe, I'm not wearing his." He even commented about how many favorable calls Wade gets in games. Really. I wanted to scream out, "Seriously?!?"